15 minutes
by frickangel
Summary: Set during ‘38 minutes’. The 'death' of Sheppard, just my version of what death was like for him, what he saw and what made him fight for his life. Spoiler warning: for ’38 minutes’ and ‘Home’.


Disclaimer: Much as I like to, no I don't own _Stargate__ Atlantis_ or even the crumbs on the set. -Insert emoticon of sticking tongue out smiley-

Summary: From the episode _38 Minutes_, we take a peek into what John when through while he was "dead" to when her was revived. This might suck, so bite me. –Insert random smiley-

Spoilers: _38 Minutes_ and _Home_. Oh, and some possible spoilers for the story _Alice In Wonderland_, just in case you haven't read it yet grins Can't be too careful now can I?

----

He hesitated and stared through him, as if giving John a split second to change his mind.

Nothing could be worse than an enormous mutant flea sucking on your throat, not even death.

For a small tiny moment, John studied the faces of his friends, Teyla; the beautiful Anthosian whose sharp features were distorted with worry. Rodney, the adorable rambling scientist who looked like he couldn't decide whether to cry or to pout. And finally the young Ford, the one who has yet to make the step into becoming a true man. He's still a boy.

"DO IT!!" John barked, not wasting anymore time.

Ford jerked awake, forced to do as his commanding officer had ordered.

So, he killed John.

----

_-Ouch, **that** hurt._

----

Sitting by the window of the Antarctica base, John sighed as his fingers brushed on page five of his latest project, _War and Peace_.

He was behind schedule on that.

With the cold blowing outside and snow begin to blanket the already white scenery, the Major couldn't help but smile that he wasn't out in the freezing weather today. Replacing the novel on his small and solitary coffee table, John surveyed his home. It was small, but sufficient, one bed, a chair and a table. The 100-watt light bulb flickered slightly as the wind howled outside, signalling a blizzard.

He was definitely glad he wasn't outdoors.

Rubbing his neck, John took steps towards his door and pulled open. The corridors were empty and dark.

As usual.

No one was around; the wind was vibrating through the metal walls of the base, giving him a slight clichéd moment from a horror movie.

Each footstep he laid on the floor rang loudly roaring at only himself. The lights above seem to illuminate whenever he walked under one.

_Since when had base install motion detectors?_

Just walls and walls stretching into the abyss, no windows, no doors, no people and no one around.

_This can be depressing._

Where had everyone gone? John knew this wasn't exactly Time Square, but heck it wasn't a cemetery either. Did everyone die and forgot to bring him along?

"If you keep walking around like that, you're just going to end up in circles."

The voiced slicing through the thin silence and broke its fragile-ness, forcing John to whirl behind him and gaze upon the figure standing there.

Her ebony hair tied up into a professional ponytail, hands in the pockets of her green army pants, a small smile etched on her face. "And you know how much you hate going nowhere." The woman's voice was strong yet smooth and it put him at ease. But something nagged him from behind, that as much as this was how life was, it still wasn't right.

She put one foot forward, and then another and another, her standard issue army boots echoed in rhythmic beats. She was walking up to him.

"Karcy?" he asked the obvious, looking down slightly to her eye level.

"And a very nice 'hi' to you to, Major." Her dark brown almond shaped eyes shot back a sharp glance. "Long time no see."

"Why are you here?" He was confused; Karcy had been a lieutenant of his, one of his more capable soldiers, one of the best. He was definitely glad to see her, to recognise a familiar face, but it still didn't fit right.

This is wrong. _But why?_

His lifted his hand and messaged his neck again, it itched.

"You called me here." She simply answered and smiled wider, her Asian heritage clear in her features now.

"I did?" he raised an eyebrow, "I don't remember doing that,"

"You being here, brought me to see you."

"No, no. You're supposed to be on the other side of base like I had ordered you to." He was furiously scratching his neck now, pain relieving the itch.

"Sorry, Major, but this isn't what you think it is."

"Ok," he snapped and grabbed Karcy's shoulders, but she barely flinched. "Enough with the cryptic and vague answers, I want to know what the hell is going on!"

She held the stare and gently pushed his hands away; her fingers were soft to the touch, "To put it in a nutshell, Major. You're dead."

The outside snow had started to pound on the roof and bringing with it a chilling cold. The type of cold meant to run down your spine. "What…?"

"Beneath the glaring sun, are thousand stars so bright, bringing forth into the light, a winged creature with a blessed touch. Hoofs sailing across the sky, singing its own silent cry." Smiling and carefully reciting the poem, the lieutenant looked down at the gray floor. "You remember that poem don't you? The one you caught me reading on duty?" Her eyes gazed his face as she whispered the words. She brushed her fingers over his hand and pulled it away from his neck, stopping him from scratching the itch further.

The Asian woman tiptoed to reach the Major's height and brought her lips next to his ear, his unshaven face, grazing across her smooth skin. "The title of the poem was-."

"Pegasus." He whispered back into her ear. "The Pegasus galaxy."

_Rodney, Elizabeth, Aiden, Carson and Teyla._

Planting her feet back to the ground, Karcy shook her head only so slightly, and pulled herself away from John.

He took his time to let the reality sink in. _The bug, they couldn't pull it off. They were stuck in the Stargate's event horizon. Rodney panicked as usual while John sat at the back, living on limited time. Aiden used the __defibrillator on him, no. Aiden was ordered to use it, by he himself._

He died.

"Then why am I here? Why back to the base?" the truth dawned upon him, releasing from the confusion that had resided in him since he placed the book back down.

The book, _War and Peace_, where he was still on page five. The book wasn't so bad, just long winded.

"This is your own world, the last thing you thought of before slipping away." She explained, waving her hands in front of her to illustrate the reality of this dream.

No, not a dream- nightmare. Or was it?

"I thought of this god damned place?"

She shrugged, "well it was your mind Major, you tell me."

"I-." It finally clicked, all the pieces of his uncertainty falling into place. The biggest piece was standing in front of him. "Lieutenant?"

"Yes, Major?" she stood straight and rigid, her hand placed behind her back at full attention.

"First thing, this obviously isn't the real world, so drop the military act."

She relaxed herself and cocked her head to her side, giving him her full attention. Then again, it wasn't like there was anything else that was there to distract them. "Yes, sir."

John had half the mind to correct her, but that wasn't what he said, wasn't what he wanted. "Lieute-." He left midway, remembering his own orders to the soldier, "Karcy, you're dead."

"Yes, sir I am."

"In that explosion at base, about 8 months ago."

"Yes sir."

"Why are you here? Bringing me to Hades or something?"

She chuckled, "No I'm here, not really here."

More cryptic answers he didn't need. "Then…?"

"I maybe dead sir, but I still live, in your memories. You brought me here; obviously you wanted to see me for a reason."

"I did?"

"Yes, sir."

"Maybe it was just to say hi," he shrugged, still trying to get used to the fact that he was dead. "Wasn't Ford supposed to revive me once I um… died?" He sounded like some lab rat that had just failed an experiment.

That was a reassuring thought…

"Maybe." Karcy echoed and moved pass John. "I doubt you'd wanna stay here, would you, sir?"

He moved his legs slightly as he twisted his body to follow Karcy. Trailing her move, John was suddenly reminded of the dark surroundings, he had thought it was comforting at first, being wrapped around in stillness and silence, but now all he wanted was some sun and greenery.

He was beginning to hate the snow.

"Over here, Major." The lieutenant stood by a door not too far from where they were. Only thing was, there wasn't anything but walls and lights when he was walking along. Not a window and definitely not a door. "What is this? Wonderland!??" he threw his hands up and grumbled.

"For a dead guy, you sure are grumpy, Major." Karly retorted, "Now," she pulled open the door slightly. "You going to stay here or are coming with me, Alice?" Not waiting for an answer, the Asian woman stepped through the door into an inky darkness.

"Hey!" John reached for her and missed. Guess he was going for a walk in the snow, no point sulking about it. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and entered the unknown.

----

"LIEUTENANT!"

Nothing. He couldn't find her anywhere.

"LIEUTENANT!" he shouted once more.

Still no answer. Sighing, John rested his hands on his hips and took a look around him.

Well at least it wasn't so bad. This time the place was sunny and warm, birds were singing and the crickets were um… cricketing?

Oh yeah, and he was still dead. For a while, John tried to comfort himself saying that Ford was just taking his own sweet time in reviving the major. Too much of his sweet time.

He can't be dead, is this heaven? Some lame idea of open green pastures?

_Wake up, John. You're not supposed to be dead! Why can't you be pissed at this?? You're dead as in not breathing, no heart beat… comprende?_

Maybe the shock hasn't worn off yet.

Still, the fact that walking through some suddenly-appearing-door had made the complete change of scenery, from dark and dismal to bright and chirpy, was somewhat more disturbing.

The soft dewy grass rustled beneath his boots, and the wind blew lightly pass him. It didn't take long for him to notice the two figures throwing stones into a lake. Two very familiar faces…

"Dex, Mitch?" He muttered to himself. Absent mindedly, John made his way towards his two buddies. Two dead buddies.

"Guys?" he said, just a little louder. Somewhere, he was between hoping to grab their attention and trying to escape from being noticed.

"John!!!" __

So much for the latter.

Two giant men ran up and grabbed John into a monstrous group hug.

The small boy's frown creased on the Major's forehead. He just met a dead soldier and now two deceased friends?

They almost looked like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum with those two huge goofy grins and clothed in striped Hawaiian shirts.

John shook his head and was extremely tempted to slap his face; he had to stop making reference to that damned fairy tale. He ain't Alice and this here isn't Wonderland. Next thing he knew, he'd be chasing a white rabbit that's too dyslexic to tell the time.

"This can't be too good for me…" he mumbled and tried giving his most friendly grin to them both. The Sheppard half hearted grin which never fooled anyone, but himself.

"Hey buddy!" Mitch slapped John in the back and made him stumble to the front. That guy had a punch that could send Tyson back to kindergarten.

Holding back a gasp, John merely nodded slightly and attempted to regain his balance and dignity at the same time. He couldn't believe than even dead, he was still being embarrassed like this. Things never changed.

John stared hard at Dex and Mitch, the two soldiers whom died at Khabour. They seemed so relax and happy, not one care in the world. Maybe this wasn't such a bad thing.

Dex clasped his hand on John's shoulder, offering him a comforting smile. "Don't worry," he winked, "We maybe dead, but hey we're here."

The words were hard to find, he couldn't possibly just hug them like they were on some other country alive and well, and this was some sort of reunion. One big happy celebration.

_For God's sake, John, They're dead!_

His hand flew up and grasped Dex's arm, squeezing it as if to test his was solid and not some Wraith illusion. But he was there, arm and all.

"Did I bring you guys out as well? From my warped mind?" the wind tickled his face and tussled his hair more.

"Yeah, you brought us here…" Mitch piped in.

"Why?" He really needed answers now, and not more questions.

"Don't know," Dex shrugged and crossed his arms, "But you might want to ask that pretty lady over there." With his stubby fingers, Dex pointed over towards the pier, where a small outline of somebody sitting on it and dangling her feet over the water.

"Who is-." As John turned back towards the two buffs, there were gone, disappeared into the wind like Karcy had.

Cheshire cat?

_Go slap yourself John. Wonderland is not for you, you're not blonde and blue eyed, you do not wish to join a bunch of weirdoes for a tea party singing Happy Un-Birthday, and you aren't going to eat mushrooms!_

If he really was the one conjuring up his dead friends, then John figured, he had a really really screwed up brain. Must be a side effect from all the gate travelling or from the ancient gene he possessed.

Before he knew it, he was standing on the pier and resting his eyes on a petite woman. Her golden brown hair moved slightly by the wind, hands at the side and her weight resting on it.

"Teyla…"

She turned her head behind and smiled warmly, "Major Sheppard."

"Please don't tell me you're dead to?" his voice was laced with worry and fear.

She laughed and threw her head back slightly. "I do not think so Major."

Puffing out his cheeks and releasing his breath in relief, John ran his fingers through his hair.

"Come," she patted the empty spot next to her, "sit with me. Let us talk."

He surprised himself and found his own body following Teyla's request, he sat himself next to her. Legs swinging over crystal blue water and with clear skies above them, it seemed so perfect.

"I am curious, Major." She began the conversation.

"What is it?" he just had to ask didn't he?

"What was it that you had wished to tell Dr. Weir?"

He waved her question away, "Nothing, it's not important, well it did seem important at that time, but now…" he swallowed hard as he thought about on the people back at Atlantis. "It doesn't matter."

"It does,"

"No, it doesn't."

"Major…"

_Damn, she had eyes that would prosecute anybody. _"I meant to say, 'Take care of each other'," he lied and looked away at the horizon.

"Do not lie to me, Major." She had seen through his façade, catching him red handed. "Tell me…"

He sighed and closed his eyes, taking in every smell and every sound. _Why couldn't it be this peaceful when I was alive? _"I just wanted to say, how…" he choked, knowing he was about to be seen as a coward, "How I wished I hadn't stepped through the gate…" he voice was barely above a whisper and cracking.

The ripples weaving itself across the lake made small entertainment for John, trying to distract himself from what he had just said.

"It is normal for any human to regret certain things."

"But it's not regret, it's just that I guess, I'm afraid of knowing so many people and loving them, and now I have to leave them. All my life, the people I have really cared for, are dead."

"But we are still alive." Teyla stated, her eyes piercing through his soul.

"Yet." He pointed out, "You're not dead yet, but I am."

She laughed again, and shook her head.

"What's so funny?"

"You are not dead Major." She stood up and straightened her clothes, her deep toned skin shining under the sun's rays. "Come," she held her hand out for John and he accepted, pulling himself up.

"How would you know I'm not dead? You're just a conjuring of my mind."

"That is where you're wrong," she glanced at the sun, using her hand to shield her eyes, Teyla squinted as if trying to read what was written in the sky. "I am not a figment of your imagination, I am your reality, I only tell the truth."

Now, he was really and truly confused. "What??"

"Let's just say, there are things on any world that are still unexplainable and will always be a mystery. I think your world calls it, a miracle."

"So you're real?" he arched both his eyebrows.

Her warm eyes danced as she smiled, "I would think so,"

"And I'm not dead?"

"There is a chance."

"So I could be dead?"

She gently held his face between her hands, "Suffice to say Major, the people you have loved, are those of most fortunate blessings. And I'm sure they love you back as much as I do and as much as everyone else on Atlantis. Release your fears and your regrets, and you will see what truly lies beneath."

"And what is it that lies beneath?"

"That is for you to live and discover yourself." Before another word was uttered, Teyla placed her forehead on John's, showing the affection of friendship and trust as she had the first time they met.

The reflection from the lake's waters skipped across their silent faces and lingering words, silencing the doubt and uncertainty.

"Now, John,"

_She had never called him John before, what did this mean?_

Her grip on his uniform tightened and it seemed so strong. "Teyla?"

"It's time for you to go home." She smiled once more, her hand pushing him harder and finally he was falling into the lake.

It didn't seem real, everything was faster than usual, first he saw Teyla's smiling face, and then he felt the water.

The water crashed and bubbles floated by him, the air in his lungs trying to burst out and his body screaming for fresh air.

It was as if he could die again when he was already dead, but it happened. The darkness enfolded him once more and his closed his eyes, letting the fluidic waters take him wherever it wished to.

----

Fuzzy and hazy, like a bad TV reception.

John could tell Beckett sounded very relieved about something. He was muttering about a pulse and how it was getting stronger.

Then, like a really bad TV reception, it did what bad TV receptions do; it faded out and went blank.

----

_I was out for a whole 15 minutes. Medically speaking I was dead for 15 minutes. At least that's what Dr. Beckett says. Out of those 38 minutes, I had died for 15 minutes._

_Wow…_

----

"By the way, what were you going to say?"

Shifting slowly in his bed, John looked at Weir, "When?"

The brunette blinked, "Before, when you thought, you know…"

"Oh that…"

"I didn't want you to say it at the time, but now I'm curious."

_Didn't you hear? Curiosity killed the cat. _"I was going to say, um…" he paused and played with the fabric of his blanket, "take care of each other?"

She looked disappointed, but didn't press any further, "That's nice."

"Yep."

"And, indeed, we did." Rodney was oblivious to how the words were presented; Then again, Rodney was always oblivious to anything that didn't include him as the hero.

"Yes, you did. Thank you. Again."

"You're welcome." He beamed and smiled proudly at himself. Typical Rodney behaviour.

Teyla smiled, the same smile he had saw on the pier, "Good night." She wished and together with the rest, she exited the infirmary.

John had almost called out for Teyla, but he decided not to. Not only had she saved his life by pulling him into the event horizon, but she had saved his mind from giving up on himself and of friendship.

So, the people he came to love and trust had died, but that was suppose to make him appreciate his own existence more. Or at least that's what she had tried to teach him.

_I think…_

Still, she had saved him more than one way.

He owed her a lot.

----

The End.

A/N: Thanks, don't mind me, just needed to get this story out of my system. OK reviews would be good. Hehheh, ok so it sucks, just review it anyways. I can't stand to see a story without that orangy yellow "review" word.

OK, I'm loosing it, sorry.

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